Monday, March 06, 2006

Make Love Not War

An article posted today on the CNN website describes the behaviour of bonobos, a chimp-like primate, which resolve disputes by "a quick round of sex".

Now I'm sure most of us have "made up" after a domestic row by retiring to the boudoir for a little horizontal mambo, but it appears these critters have taken it to a whole new level. Not only do they greet rivals with a "genital handshake", but instead of fighting over territory, they screw each other over it.

All of which makes me think "What if evolution had taken a twist and mankind descended from the bonobos rather than their war-like cousins, the chimpanzees?". This, in turn, poses other questions:
  • What would basic training be like?
  • Would the Hundred Years War have been the Hundred Years Orgy?
  • How would aerial combat be conducted?
  • How would the arms race escalate?
  • Would conservatives still complain about inadequate government spending on the military?
  • What would a M*A*S*H* unit treat other than priapisms and STDs? (Damn insurgents gave me a dose!)
  • Would we still be pondering whether women should be front-line troops?
  • Would Ovid have written "Warfare is a kind of love" rather than the other way around?
I'm blown away by the possibilities. What do you think?


Blogger Anna said...

I think we're fucked ;)

3:43 PM  
Blogger nanuk said...

Anna: If brevity is the soul of wit, your comment is pretty darn witty ;-)

4:02 PM  
Blogger L said...

it DOES seem like a much better way of resolving disputes.

9:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Humans didn't evolve from chimpanzees, but, rather, humans, chimpanzees, and bonobos all evolved from a single common ancestor ape.

2:34 AM  

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