Sunday, November 04, 2007

Boredom - the True Mother of Invention

After having been in Montreal for a little over half a week, I am leaving in a few minutes to go north to Kuujjuaq for two days, and it just dawned on me that I have forgotten my WiMax modem back home. This being the case, I am dashing off this quick post with apologies.

Lately, my mood has been creative and inventive, and I'd like to run a few ideas by you guys before rushing off to the Patent Office.

I was stuck at an intersection behind an absolutely stunned driver, one for whom standard honking and menacingly revving the engine had no effect. I want to propose a set of mini speakers under the hood that can be driven from the car's dashboard. It isn't the strength of the speakers which is patentable (but nothing less than 125 db wouldn't work). Rather, it is the sounds being input which is the patentable idea.

Imagine the possibilities: jet fighters on a straffing run, diesel locomotive, the squealing of tires coupled with accident sound effects, . . . covertly delivered at a volume guaranteed to pierce through any iPod buds. Of course if eyes start looking at you questioningly, you have to play along by looking wildly for the origin of the sounds. Any ideas for additional sound effects I can build into this unit?

The second concept, come to think of it, is unpatentable but is more of a challenge to you hackers out there. I was in a formal meeting last week, and had dutifully set my cell phone to vibrate. The only problem was that the vibrate "sound" was so loud I'm sure some attendees felt I was wearing a sexual appliance.

I'd like someone to design a ring-tone virus which would result in a huge farting sound on the second vibrate. This unexpected thunderous fart would be difficult to explain away at a meeting, cinema, opera or any other venue where cell phone rings are tabu - I mean "It wasn't me" makes you sound juvenile; "It's my cell phone" engenders doubt about your sanity; while "I must have a virus" is guaranteed to create a large quarantine zone around your chair.

So you can see I've had an intellectually productive week. How was your week?

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6 Comments:

Blogger c'est moi said...

I'm certain that it will make you a fortune! I say go for it. Just don't forget to do the infomercials to really sell it. Hell this is Just for Laughs Quebec; it's gotta work here.

BTW...seeing as you are in town, try and get out on range road or three lakes road. the george river herd is passing by the town. There are thousands of them around.

8:48 PM  
Blogger Eternally Curious said...

LOL! All of 'em! Do 'em all! You'll be filthy rich in no time!

10:17 PM  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

Those eejits are everywhere. I was 2nd in line to turn left at an intersection today. There were 2 cars coming from the opposite direction. They passed through the intersection, it was clear for us to turn left and the car ahead of me pulled into the insection... and stopped... waiting for what, I do not know. I peered up and road and saw nothing coming.

He sat there... and sat there... and I was just about to honk the horn at him when he decided that perhaps forward motion was appropriate after all...

When you patent your sound effects, I shall be placing an order.

11:21 PM  
Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

SOudns for your car< i wqould recommend "charging rhino" or "earthquake". You don't need phone pharts, you need to come up with a pocket phone jammer.

10:44 PM  
Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Ok, looking back at my last post - I never said I could type!!

Hope when you get bored with being intellectual you come back to us - soon...

2:52 PM  
Blogger Fuff said...

Dull in comparison. Though I often think about getting out of the car and punching other drivers. Being small in stature, though rather larger in spirit, I dunno how I'd fare.

9:34 PM  

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