Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Thoughts from the North on the Fourth

To my American readership I bid you all a happy and blue-skied Fourth of July. North of the 49th, we have just barely recovered from our national day of celebration on July 1, which carries the extremely ironic and imaginative name Canada Day. Myself I have just emerged from a huge orgy of Canadian bacon smoothered in maple syrup, washed down with a couple of dozen Molson Export beer while watching re-runs of the World Junior Curling Championships.

The 49th parallel, by the way, is known as the world's longest undefended border. And despite the occasional spat about cruise missiles and softwood lumber, our two nations get along pretty darn good. In celebration of our relationship, I would like to enumerate some of the things for which I personally appreciate the United States.
  • Providing a home for our aged pop stars like Celine Dion when they start wetting the carpet.
  • Inventing Velcroâ„¢. No more unpleasant bending to tie up your shoes.
  • Providing a huge buffer zone between us and our arch-enemies Mexico.
  • The Eastham, Mass. Turnip Festival.
  • Being such good sports in conceding defeat at the hands of Canadian forces in the war of 1812.
  • The world's most entertaining electoral practices.
  • Adopting the Canadian sports of hockey, basketball and football to such a degree that you'd think they were invented by Americans.
  • Bourbon
  • Generally, just keeping the world interesting.
So enjoy the picnics, fireworks, parades, etc. Just keep the noise down though because we're still hungover up here.


Blogger Fuff said...

I'd take the bacon smothered in maple syrup and the beers over hot dawgs and apple pie any day. Happy Birthday America and a belated Happy Canada Day too.

9:35 AM  
Blogger D said...

Maple syrup orgies... that's our national secret!

9:57 AM  
Blogger Eternally Curious said...

I think my family is about to brand me as un-American! I've never been a fan of fireworks (mostly 'cuz of the unruly and rude crowds), and altho I do love bar-b-que, I'd much rather it be a feast of fresly caught seafood or even pulled pork, rather than burgers and hot dogs! Ho hum...but I do agree, Bourbon is one of our best contributions to the world! Happy belated Canada Day White Bear - and send some of the authentic maple syrup down this way, won't you?

10:21 AM  
Blogger nanuk said...

Fuff: In spring time in Quebec, you can go to a sucarie where everything is made with maple syrup. Bacon is good, but ham and pigs feet stew is to die for (and you probably will from a combination of insulin shock and cardiac infarction). But what a way to go!!!

D: oops! my bad!!!! Here I am giving away state secrets. You won't tell CSIS, please, please?

Eternally Curious: what, pray tell, is "pulled pork"? Sounds like a euphemism for m . . . well, you know what. Being a true Canadian I will gladly send you the maple syrup as soon as you guys lift the duty on our innocent Canadian softwood. Deal?

11:52 AM  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

HAha! Funny!

And don't forget L.L. Bean.

11:53 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I like you. When we eventually invade, you and your family's name will be on the protected rolls...

7:03 PM  
Blogger Eternally Curious said...

Shame on you Nanuk! (I can say that, now that I've finished LMAO!!) Pulled pork is exactly what it sounds like (to us clean-minded folk, that is!): a pork roast is slow bar-b-qued, and then just as it reaches the falling-off-the-bone point, it is "pulled", using two forks going in opposite directions (more commonly known as shredded, I guess). The results are heaped in a pan, smothered with (hopefully) a homemade bar-b-que sauce (much preferred over a store-bought sauce), heated through and then enjoyed on buns (I like Kaiser rolls), with all the other common bar-b-que goodies (such as, for example: beans, corn on the cob, an ice cold beer and "spiked" fudge brownies for dessert!) Hungry yet? :))

7:10 PM  
Blogger marty said...

You left George W. Bush off your list of things you like about America. No worries. He's off my list too.

10:56 PM  
Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Happy late Canada day. I've been treading quietly all day, hope the swelling has gone down some...

11:34 PM  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

I thanks all the american for giving us Star Trek! :) Oups, I forgot, Shatner is Canadian.... :)

1:49 AM  
Blogger Eternally Curious said...

Hey Nanuk ... visit Phos' blog if you want to see some awesome looking pulled pork (and a much better and more interesting description of how to make it)!! What a wonderful coincidence! ...

8:50 PM  

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