Saturday, October 03, 2009

Justice Prevails!


The following is my imagined transcript of a real hearing between a Federal Court judge and a petitioner.

Judge: So you are seeking damages for a work-related incident?

Plaintiff: Yes, sir.

Judge: And this damage occured 37 years ago?

Plaintiff: Yes, sir, and it causes me such pain to this very day.

Judge: Why didn't you seek Workman's Compensation when it happened?

Plaintiff: I was a Mountie in training, and we in the RCMP have a culture of never letting physical or emotional distress get in the way of duty. But now that I am retired from the force, it is only right that I receive compensation for the grievous injury I have had to endure.

Judge: Could you describe your current quality of life for the court?

Plaintiff: Certainly. I cannot sleep at night as a result of the pain eminating from this injury. I have a severe loss of mobility and am hobbled. Then there is the psychological and emotional distress caused by an unfeeling and uncaring employer who refuses to compensate me although I gave them 37 years of service. . . Sorry, your honour, but I get distraught everytime I talk about it.

Judge: There, there, my good man. Take a deep breath and we'll proceed, unless you feel a recess is in order?

Plaintiff: No sir, I'll soldier on.

Judge: So what was the root cause of this injury which has played such a pivotal role in your life?

Plaintiff: It started with a nose bleed . . .

Judge: Excuse me, did you say "nose bleed"?

Plaintiff: Yes. In the middle of the night. In the Mountie barracks.

Judge: Continue.

Plaintiff: Alright. Since I didn't want to get blood over my sheets and risk incurring the wrath of the Superintendant, I went to the washroom. It was en route to the washroom when the calamity befell me.

Judge: Let me get this straight - you were sleeping in the barracks at night when you got a nosebleed, and you injured yourself getting to the lavatory to clean up?.

Plaintiff: That's it exactly, sir.

Judge: And you put up with the consequences of this injury for nearly 4 decades without complaint until you retired?

Plaintiff: Yes.

Judge: Did you slip over some clothing and herniate a disk in your back?

Plaintiff: No.

Judge: Then, did you fall down the stairs of some improperly indicated stairwell and break your leg?

Plaintiff: No.

Judge: Perhaps someone left a sharp object on the floor, you cut yourself, and got blood poisoning resulting in some form of amputation?

Plaintiff: No.

Judge: Well, then, what sort of dire injury did you have?

Plaintiff: I stubbed my toe.

Judge: You stubbed your toe?

Plaintiff: Yes, sir, the big one.

Judge: Why didn't you say so in the first place? If any case I have ever heard over the course of my career, this is without a doubt the most heart-wrenching. I find your case has merit, and will allow it to proceed.

3 Comments:

Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

And I though my basic training was tough!!

4:07 PM  
Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Dudley Doright rules! Wonder if he ever slipped it to Nell??

3:58 PM  
Blogger nanuk said...

Phos: I don't know about Nell, but I'm told he had a thing about Mr. Peabody. And Sherman.

9:09 PM  

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