Friday, August 11, 2006

Nanuk Hit by the War on Terror

The aftermath of yesterday's prevention of a devastating series of bomb attacks on trans-Atlantic flights has a direct and frightening consequence for this poor writer.

As has been discussed elsewhere in this blog, I am not a good flyer. It is not so much fear of crashing which can engender panic attacks, it is a sense of claustrophobia - that once airborne I am very much committed to being on the flight and have no escape except to ride it out until the wheels touch land again.

Ironically, it was the Arabs who invented the device which has provided so much relief for my affliction: distilled alcohol. Now for those of you who are used to flying in more civilized climes, a shot of on-board vodka or scotch for medicinal purposes is only a touch of the flight attendant button away. But for those of us flying in the Arctic we usually have no such recourse.

Most of the flights I take have no bar service, and my work-around involves filling up a water bottle with vodka placed in my hand luggage - discrete, odorless and comforting. But with the ban of all liquids being carried on board I am right fucked for the foreseable future. In my many years of flying, I have for decades of successfully passing through airport security checks with my stash of vodka - even with open, half-consumed liquor bottles - without so much as raising an eyebrow from the guards. But all that changed yesterday.

It wouldn't be so bad if airport security adopted the same policy as asking mothers to drink a sip of their baby's formula to prove it wasn't nitroglycerine. I would be happy to take a slug or two of vodka out of my water bottle in front of security personnel if it would make them happy.

Let's hope these current measures get phased out really soon. They really cramp my style.


Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

Mine,too. I may never fly again. Of course, I say that after every flight. With me it's a combination of it all, fear of some kind of mechanical failure, bad weather, nutcase on board and the claustrophobia of having no recourse should anything go wrong.

Tried Atavan. Didn't work. Oh, it made me fall asleep sitting up on the couch with a full cup of hot tea in my hand at my destination, but it did absolutely nothing to alleviate my anxiety during the flight.

So, I've taken to self-medicating with rum and/or Gravol. I doubt either of those will make it on board anymore either.

9:27 AM  
Blogger DutchBitch said...

OMG! We can't have those security measures cramp your style... We have to be emphatic towards the people sharing the plane with you as well...

Give me a sip of the Vodka! Puh-lease... * begging on all fours *

3:29 PM  
Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

No worries - just mix the vodka with baby formula, which is ok to bring on board and as a bonus they make you take a slug before you get on the plane.

11:17 PM  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

Hmmmm. That could work, PK. So you suppose a White Russian could pass as baby formula?

12:26 PM  
Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

I accidentally got some baby formula in my n mouth in formula mixing accident and I have never been able to get rid or that taste. That has to be some of the nastiest crap I have ever come across - babies only drink it because they don't have anything for comparison. Even grain alcohol couldn’t kill the taste, so I suppose a White Russian or Piña Colada mix might be the way to go.

12:08 AM  
Blogger Fuff said...

Just get sloshed before you go to the airport.

8:00 PM  
Blogger SC said...

Heartless bastards. Who do they think they are? Fuff has got the right idea. Have a good gulp just as you're boarding.

8:21 PM  
Blogger marty said...

You will need to be knocked out cold like BA Baracus. Security at the airport w/b providing this service.

11:23 PM  
Blogger fairscape said...


Perhaps you could locate a women who is lactating to be your travelling companion. Get her really drunk before take off and then just "nurse" your drink. You should get about 12% of whatever she had.

8:35 AM  
Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Half the fun of drinking milk is getting it out of the container!!

7:12 PM  
Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

What's shakin' under the Northern Lights?

5:31 PM  
Blogger Fuff said...

Nanuk. Are you alive? I think we should be told..

7:55 PM  
Blogger fairscape said...


Any truth to the rumor that you went out on a floating chunk of ice 'cause you couldn't fly and you thought it would be a nice way to travel?

10:25 AM  
Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Hope you are ok!!

11:25 PM  
Blogger fairscape said...

Perhaps he was placed on an iceberg by the community?

6:33 AM  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

Or maybe he's just on vacation... Youhouuuuuu! Nanooooook! Anybody hoooooomeeeeee???? Damn! I wanted to tell you about my 3 trips on planes in two weeks. And about the accident I had... not on a plane... and about how I manage to take the last plane without fear (morphine is not so bad) 4 days after the London events... :(

1:41 PM  
Blogger Fuff said...

Nanoooooooooooooooook.......ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Fess up, are you dead or wot?

10:41 PM  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

Hellooooo? Is anybody home?

11:21 PM  
Blogger amaruk-nanuk said...

Nanuk Hope you get well soon heard that you went to hospital. Hope that all is well and that we miss your input on a regular basis just hasn't been the same lately

11:05 AM  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

Ohhhh! Hospital? Noooo! Hope everything is OK!

2:03 PM  
Blogger Fuff said...

Hope all is well Nanuk.

3:50 PM  
Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Howdy Nanuk!!!

2:03 AM  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

Ick! Hospital! Hope you're feeling better soon!

I thought maybe he'd tried to take that bottle of vodka on a plane after all...

11:04 PM  

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