Monday, April 03, 2006

Mr. President, a question please!

My wife's truck (our only vehicle) has been stuck in a snowbank unable to start for the past couple of weeks. I decided to enlist the assistance of my lodger Yuri in removing the starter, which I had deduced was the most likely cause of the problem.

I always like to have someone else do any actual manual work, preferring to apply my superior intellectual talents to advise, supervise and criticize. And Yuri is up for any challenge.

We were both flat on our backs under the pick-up and he had just finished disconnecting the primary ignition from the solonoid, when he suddenly stopped and said: "Nanuk, when you meet President Mr. Bush, what question you ask?"

"Yuri, I wasn't planning to go to Washington, and even if I did happen to bump into him wandering around the tundra up here, I'm certain that he would skate around the issue in a baffling maze of half thoughts and half truths".

"No no. I mean he must to give you honest straight goods answer, no matter if you ask crazy question".

Realizing now that Yuri was envisioning a hypothetical set of circumstances, the most hypothetical of which was that Bush would actually give a straight, honest, intelligible answer, I started to think.

"Mr. Bush, is it true you let Bin Laden escape when you were bombing the shit out of those caves in Tora Bora because the American people would perceive his capture as the end to the war on terror?"

"Mr. Bush, did you put the CIA up to the attempted coup against Chavez in 2002 to secure Venezuelan oil?"

"Mr. Bush, is it true you lied to Tony Blair to get the British on side for your Iraq invasion?"

"Nanuk", interjected Yuri impatiently, "You one radical bolshevik dude. Pass me half inch socket".

Wondering what he was up to, I decided to ask Yuri directly: "So, my friend, what would you ask President Bush?"

"What name tractor he drive on Texas farm".

"Why in hell's name would you ask him that?", I parried back.

"You can tell loads 'bout peoples by tractors they drive. Oh no! Gears fucked. Need new Bendix. Sorry, Nanuk", he replied.

I decided to let the matter rest there. Some of life's mysteries are better left unexplored.


Blogger Tea and Books, etc said...

Very valid questions, Nanuk, and there's plenty more, too!

Unfortunately, just as Yuri demonstrated, a totally irrelevant response would likely be had, if a response could be gotten at all for any of these points.

9:43 AM  
Blogger Belle said...

Admit it, there is no Yuri. You're making this funny shit up!

10:16 AM  
Blogger nanuk said...

T&B,etc: Isn't there supposed to be some national pride in how well your leader speaks in public? If I were living south of the 45th, I'd be wearing a bag over my head.

belle: He's real alright, but over 30, so he is ineligible for your matrimonial pursuit. Sorry.

12:17 PM  
Blogger Tea and Books, etc said...

I have no national pride as I am a Martian. Just ask Seb. Actually, I'm from Neptune, but Seb thinks I'm from Mars.

1:01 PM  
Blogger Belle said...

Nanuk, you heathen, I don't date men as young as 30. I went on one date with a 29 year old. There's a reason it was only once, lol.

7:10 AM  
Blogger merlinprincesse said...

I know what I would ask him... But I think I would get in prison for that... And I heard that american prisons are NOT very...mmmm... nice?

12:29 PM  
Blogger Jozee said...

It's still a "free" country.
We don't get sent to jail for asking questions. Just don't expect a straight answer.

9:28 AM  

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