Dear John:

It's been over a quarter century since John Lennon was felled in front of the Dakota Hotel in New York City. I remember thinking, selfishly, "Shit! There goes any chance of having a Beatles reunion", having missed them when they played Maple Leaf Gardens in Toronto.

Now it appears Mr. Lennon has put in an ectoplasmic appearance during a seance held at one of his favourite "haunts" in the Big Apple. And you, dear consumer, can watch it all on TV for the meagre sum of $20.16 CDN. The disembodied voice of the former Beatle has been captured on a tape recorder via Electronic Voice Phenomenon during a channeling session, but what he had to say is tightly under wraps until broadcast, understandable enough because it is hard to sell absolute shit.

But if Lennon's still floating around the ether somewhere, there are a few questions I would like to ask:

1. Did you write Only Women Bleed and Women Are The Niggers Of The World because Yoko wasn't going to give any unless you did?
2. During your bed-in for peace at the Queen Elizabeth Hotel in Montreal, were you actually composing "Give me, please, an advance" when someone suggested an alternate, less mercenary title?
3. True or false? Norwegian Wood is about a fir-carved phallus.
4. Did you ever dress up in drag with J. Edgar Hoover, and you were the mommy?

I'm sure you can come up with more questions. Just send along $100 per question (supplementary questions at the low, low bargain rate of $85) and I'll invoke my medium skills and email you back John's personal response to your queries. Act now, this is a limited time offer.