Olympic Pornography

To: Jacques Rogge, president
International Olympic Committee

Sir:

We are now in the early stages of your five-ring circus, and we, the righteous minded, decry that filth masquerading as sport known as the double luge competition.

You doubt me?

First, we must all remember that the original Olympics (albeit not winter Olympics) were performed by naked men in the centuries before the coming of our Lord. And since it is common knowledge that the Greeks (especially the men) have a proclivity for posterior cavity penetration, and cavorted in such obviously unclean sports as wrestling all the while listening to poetry being recited, it is obvious that the Olympic Movement, since its inception, is only a cover for homosexual proselytization.

Secondly, this perversion has a number of aspects instantly recognized as homoerotic, to whit:

• the use of spandex clothing is a dead giveaway that all participants are sodomites
• the wearing of masks - a common practice of devotees of licentious behaviour
• the word luge itself comes from the French verb luger, to thrust forward with one's pelvis
• the frantic hand paddling of the "top" at the beginning of the run, as he is penetrated

I also find it telling that you have attempted to cover-up the true nature of this sport by having the IOC declare it "co-ed" since the Albertville games in 1992, but tell me, exactly how many women have been double-lugers in any Olympics since then? Right, exactly none! They know the true nature of this vile pasttime.

Finally, I have it on the best authority that the "bottom" can orgasm as many as three times in the half-minute it takes to complete the course. I have been told that the bumpiness of the iced track coupled with the thrill of speed creates this degree excitement and release. Sir, for shame!!!

Given that impressionable minds the world over are exposed to this debauchery, we insist you permanently ban the double luge competion as part of Olympic competition, and focus on more wholesome sports such as men's figure skating.

Pat Robertson, president
Decency in Competitive Sports